Reckless
by fbi-woman
Summary: A dangerous decision puts Buck in hot water. Established Abby/Buck. Angsty but ends on a good note.


Title: Reckless

Author: fbi_woman

Rating: T

Type: 9-1-1, gen and Abby/Buck, angst

Spoilers: None

Disclaimer: I don't own 9-1-1 or any of its characters or anything associated with it, not affiliated with Fox, yadda yadda yadda. I'm a nobody with nothing.

Summary: A dangerous decision puts Buck in hot water. Established Abby/Buck.

A/N: I haven't written a fic in forever, and I'm hard-core second-guessing my decision to do this, but I'm doing it. Starting out with something small to get me going again. Not a realistic scenario at all, I'm fully owning that right now lol, but bear with me, it's gonna take some work to get my writing mojo back.

* * *

"Almost there," Buck said into his radio, peering over his shoulder at the little girl about 6 feet below him.

The child's family had been camping nearby and were taking a hike before dinner when her older brother dared her to look over the edge of a cliff. The ground at the edge had given way as she stepped on it, and she had tumbled down with it. By some miracle, though bruised and bloody, she had managed to grab onto one of the small trees growing out the side of the sheer face. There was a ledge only a couple feet below her, but it was too far to put her little feet down without completely letting go. Instead, she had managed to pull herself up to lie atop the slim trunk, but fatigue was setting in and Buck was worried she couldn't hold on much longer. They had already been delayed while helicopter rescue was attempted, but the space between this cliff and the next was too narrow for the helicopter to lower enough to reach her.

"We have a problem," Bobby's voice responded.

"What problem?"

"The cord can't go any further. We need to get another one. There's a ridge about 2 feet to your left, can you get there?"

"Yeah, of course." Buck sidestepped along the cliff face until his feet landed on the wider strip of rock. "Now what?"

"Now you wait for us to hook up another cord. Keep this one clipped to your harness in the mean time."

Buck heard the sound of rocks falling and turned to see the ground breaking away around the base of the tree, the little girl screaming in terror.

"We don't have time for that!"

"Buck, stay calm, it'll only take a few minutes," Bobby answered.

"What if she doesn't have a few minutes? That ledge is only like, 10 feet away; I can get there in three steps. There are lots of good holds."

"No way, Buck, you are _not_ taking that clip off your harness."

"I free climb at that gym downtown all the time, I can do it."

"This is not a gym, Buck!" Bobby insisted, "stay put, the other cord will be here any minute."

"Great, then it'll be ready when I get her off that tree."

"Buck – "

Bobby's voice was cut off by a loud crack, and everyone watched in horror as the top half of the tiny tree snapped under the weight of the girl's upper body. Screaming frantically, she managed to push herself into a sitting position before the wood completely broke free and fell away. Her hands clutched at the splintered end of the trunk to try and maintain her balance.

"That's it, she can't wait." And with that, he hastily undid the carabineer on his harness.

"Buck, stop right now!"

He ignored the command and carefully picked his way down the rocky terrain, using trees and crevices for support, but moving swiftly to avoid weighing on any one spot for too long. It actually took him 5 steps to get there, but whatever, close enough. Once he was on the ledge, it was easy to reach the girl.

"Hi Sadie, my name is Buck, I'm going to help get you down from there, okay?" The girl nodded, so he continued. "I want you to keep holding onto the tree until I tell you to let go."

When he was sure he had a good grip on her, he told her to let go, and quickly brought her to his chest. The poor thing was trembling, clutching at his harness for dear life, still sobbing with fear.

Chim's voice came over the radio: "incoming, Buck".

He looked up to see they had moved the reel and hooked up the other cord, the clip of which was almost within reach.

"Okay Sadie, we're going to up to the top now. I'm going to put this clip on the harness, and then we're going to have to lean back a bit so I can walk up the side of the cliff, but I promise I won't let go of you, okay?"

She nodded against his shoulder.

He made sure the connection to the harness was secure, then spoke into his com, "okay, bring us up".

Once Sadie was safely reunited with her parents and being loaded into the ambulance, Buck slowly made his way back to the truck, where his colleagues were already inside waiting.

* * *

The ride back to the station was painfully silent. No one even looked at him. He had really fucked up _bad_ this time. Chimney and Hen scurried away quickly upon arrival, so he decided he might as well get the worst over with now and approached the Captain.

"Look, Bobby, I –"

Bobby spun around to face him. "I should fire you right now. You know that, right?"

"I –"

"Do you have _any_ idea how stupid and dangerous that was? What were you thinking?"

"She –"

"Let me answer that for you: you weren't thinking. You weren't thinking about the fact that even if you made it to the girl, that ledge could have given way underneath you and you _both_ could have died. You weren't thinking about how traumatic it would be for that little girl to watch you fall to your death trying to save her. You can't help _anyone_ if you're dead. And you weren't thinking about the people who care about you, either. How do you think the rest of us would feel, witnessing that? I know the guilt of watching someone you care about die on your watch and being completely unable to do anything about it. I don't want that for Chimney and Hen. And I don't want to be the one who has to call Abby and tell her that I didn't keep you safe."

 _Shit_. Bobby was right. He hadn't thought about any of that. He had been so focused on just _getting_ to the girl, that he hadn't even realized he could be further compromising her safety and wellbeing. And he certainly hadn't considered the potential impact on the people in his own life. When he thought back to watching Devon fall from that rollercoaster, and how much that had shaken him, he felt sick that he had almost put his friends through the same horror.

"Bobby, I'm _so_ sorry, I..." his voice trailed off. He didn't even know what else to say.

"I know you are, Buck. I just don't know if that's enough. You're suspended from duty until I figure out what to do with you."

Buck just nodded. He was fortunate that Bobby was even considering giving him a _third_ chance; he definitely wasn't going to push the issue.

* * *

Buck typically hurried home after work, but tonight he was definitely not in a hurry. _Home_. It was Abby's apartment, so he supposed it technically wasn't his home – yet. But he rarely spent the night as his place anymore. In fact, he wasn't quite sure why he was still paying rent there. Tonight certainly wasn't the night to make moving in official though. He would be lucky if she didn't kick him out once he told her what happened today. Sleeping on the couch was probably his best-case scenario. He had debated glossing over the details, trying to play it off like it wasn't a big deal, but word got around in their circles and she was bound to find out eventually. Besides, that would have felt an awful lot like lying to her, and that was something he never wanted to do. So he was just going to come out with it, and hope for the best. He was dreading it though, so he took the stairs instead of the elevator, still trying to figure out what he was going to say.

He needn't have worried. When he stepped inside, the lights were off and the house was silent, which was an immediate red flag. In the dim glow from the television, he could see Abby sitting on the couch - motionless, arms crossed, and if looks could kill, he would have dropped dead. He glanced at the screen and his heart sank when he saw the freeze frame image of the evening news, featuring a cell phone video of him scaling the cliff freehanded.

 _Great, she already knows_. _And she found out on TV, instead of hearing it from me. As if this day could get any worse…_

He approached her cautiously. "Hey," he said hesitantly, and immediately fought the urge to roll his eyes at himself. _Off to a strong start. Come on now, get your shit together._ "So, I guess you saw what happened today." _Enter Captain Obvious,_ he thought, _really batting a thousand today, aren't you Buck?_

The way he saw it, he had two options from here: he could either try and explain his way out of this, or just skip to the apology. Apologizing was usually the best route with women, right?

"I'm sorry."

Apparently that was the wrong choice, because she finally snapped and jumped up off the couch.

"I don't even know what to say to you right now!" She was clearly livid but struggling to keep her voice down, trying not to wake her mom. " _That_ ," she gestured to the screen, "was insane! You could have gotten one or both of you killed! What the hell were you thinking?"

He sighed. "I know, okay? I already got this lecture from Bobby." _Fuck_. Seriously, what was wrong with him that he was so unbelievably bad at this? That was one of the worst answers he could have given, and he knew it the minute the words left his mouth.

"Oh, great. I guess we don't need to talk about it then. And you know what? That's fine by me, because I don't even want to look at you right now." She turned and strode into the bedroom, roughly closing the door behind her.

 _Great job, Buck_. _You scared her half to death, and then you shut her down the minute she tried to talk about it. Now she's even more upset_.

He trudged into the kitchen for a glass of water and sat down at the table, thinking good and hard about what to say. He had to fix this, and to do that, he was going to have to really open up to her. He wasn't good at letting people see him be vulnerable, but he owed her that tonight. He put his glass in the sink and was half way to the bedroom when he heard it – a soft sob. _Damn_. Abby was strong, she wasn't much of a crier, and it broke his heart to know he was the reason for it. In that moment, he wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms and hold her tight.

Gingerly, he entered the room and took a seat beside her on the bed. She hastily wiped at her eyes, trying to conceal her tears.

After a minute, he finally spoke. "I messed up, really bad, and I know that. At the time, I thought it was the right thing to do, but I know now that it wasn't. I wasn't thinking it through, and I did something really, really stupid. And I know I was incredibly lucky that it all worked out."

"That's the thing, Buck: one of these days, your luck is going to run out, and you're going to pay the price." She looked away in an effort to keep her tenuous composure. "Your job is dangerous enough without you adding crazy risks on top of it! I don't want your life to be the price you pay."

"You're right. And I promise you, if I even still have a job after this, I won't make that mistake again. I know those are just words and they don't help with what happened today, but hearing what Bobby said afterwards, I realized something about myself: I'm not used to my life mattering to anyone. And I know that sounds really bad, but just hear me out. I don't have any family. I didn't do serious relationships before I met you. My roommates are really just acquaintances; we're not close friends. For most of my life, it's just been me, so if anything happened to me, it happened to me alone. No one would have missed me much. I'm not used to having something to come home to, and it hadn't really hit me until today that I'm not alone anymore: I have my firehouse family now, and I have you. And I really want to keep those things; I want to be here to enjoy those things. I promise, I'm done with reckless shit. I _love_ coming home to you, and I don't want to jeopardize that."

Abby was quiet for a moment and his heart was racing, fearing what she might say. Then she turned and wrapped her arms around him, pulling him close. And he had never been more relieved.

"You pull that crap again," she mumbled against his neck, "and I'll kill you myself."

Buck chuckled quietly. "I promise it won't come to that."

"Good."

He pulled back and gently kissed her forehead. "Do you want me to go? I get it, if you do."

"Are you kidding?" She smiled and kissed him softly. "I have to keep an eye on you; I might never let you go."

Hey, maybe tonight was the night after all.

* * *

A/N: This was not beta-ed, because I wanted to get it out before the new episode airs, so hopefully there aren't too many errors.


End file.
